Tomorrow is Father's Day, and I'd like to say to my dad, "I love you."
Many people are honoring their fathers this weekend, spending time with them or remembering the good times with their dads. But what about those who don't have a good or Godly dad? Should such a father be honored, too?
The first commandment with promise in the Bible is to honor one's parents. Ephesians 6:1-2 makes a distinction between honoring and obeying one's parents by issuing two separate commands. I believe that there is a reason (besides just that that honoring and obeying are two different but similar actions), and I think that you will find out the same if you honestly study the Bible concerning it.
The difference is this - the obedience command changes with jurisdiction, but the honoring command never does. That is to say that the jurisdiction of parenthood develops over time, from the womb (in which there can be no direct obedience or disobedience, to the young child who must obey right away all the time, to the teen or young adult who has more responsibility and is learning to obey more than just Mom and Dad - an employer, the law, etc., to the established adult who has "left father and mother" (Ephesians 5:31) and has very little obedience requirements.
Honoring your parents, however, is a different story. Honor toward one's parents does not change with jurisdiction. There is never a day in one's life in which one's parents have ceased to have brought him into this world; therefore, there is never a day in one's life in which it is permissible to dishonor one's parents. Honor is a constant, while obedience is a variable. Honor is unconditional while obedience is conditional in reference only to jurisdiction.
So, let's get down to practicality. For what, specifically, can one honor his or her father? Here are three ideas:
- Honor him for his position. The position of the father is an important one. Try to separate yourself from the actions and habits of your father, and look only at the basic title of 'Father' for a moment. Where would this world be without fathers? What do fathers in general contribute to life? Then consider this - if you dishonor your father, it may set a bad example to others who do not have a good excuse, and in general will contribute to the crumbling of fatherhood.
- Honor him for his provision. "But wait," you may say, "my dad does not provide for me;" or "my dad has abandoned us." Let's think back - way back, even before your earliest memories. One thing is for sure - your father did provide something irreplaceable - YOU! If it were not for your father, you would not exist. Your father providing for your temporal needs is an added bonus, since ultimately God takes care of all of our needs Himself (Matthew 6:30-31).
- Honor him for his potential. Sometimes, honor and respect is all that one needs to turn him from a lazy, good-for-nothing, angry person to a God-fearing, hard-working man of moderation and humility. Consider what he can become with God's help and your support. Remember that he is human, just like you, and no one fully knows what another person is dealing with inside, or behind the scenes.
Finally, one last thought - if you simply can't see past your dad's faults, condition, or even abuse, remember that you have a Heavenly Father Who is perfect, and that He either indwells or may soon indwell your father. Dishonoring a saved father is dishonoring the Heavenly Father Who indwells him, and dishonoring an unsaved father is not helping him to get to a place where he wishes to accept Christ. Honoring does not mean that you have to condone his actions or even trust him. It simply means that you are going to show him respect to the best of your ability.
